Tales of the Freak Show: Adventures At Hogwarts
by Kee-Kee de uth Mondar
Summary: This story is about the Freak Show (some weird OC's) getting sucked into a portal that leads to Hogwarts. Insanity ensues. Warning: OotP spoilers!
1. Into the Poratal

Chapter One  
  
It was 1:30 in the morning, and the Freak Show was gathered at Kee- Kee's house for an end of the summer party. Kee-Kee, Ray-Ray, Ramo, Ara, and Kee-Kee's younger sister Chippy were sitting cross-legged in a tight circle. In the center of the circle sat a spoon, a black cloak, and a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The only thing they were missing was their dear friend Elizabeth, who had vanished without a trace the previous year.  
"Harry is so lucky," Chippy grumbled, gazing at the thick blue and grey book. "School doesn't start at Hogwarts until September first! We have to go back on August twenty-fifth!"  
"Can we start the ceremony now?" Ara asked, sweeping a few strands of long dark hair out of her face  
Last year, out of pure boredom, the older members of the Freak Show had created a religion know as Anti-Tableism. It involved avoiding tables and preforming a ritual known as the Anti-Tableist Dance. They began the dance, swaying side to side and bobbing there heads.  
"Did you feel that?" Ray-Ray demanded after a few minutes, stopping abruptly.  
"What?" Kee-Kee asked.  
The floor beneath the girls shuddered and a purple glow illuminated the dimly lit room.  
"Whoa! Cool!" Ramo exclaimed as the circle of light that had formed beneath the group began to slowly swirl.  
It spun faster and faster until the circle had completely engulfed the Freak Show.  
  
Chippy landed hard on her back. Strange. . . She didn't remember falling. Sitting up, she saw that she was on top of a solid wooden desk. Ray-Ray was slumped against the side of the desk looking dazed, Ara was staggering to her feet, Ramo had found Order of the Phoenix and was reading Snape's Worst Memory (for the 148th time), and Kee-Kee was staring into a small mirror mounted on the wall and trying frantically to fix her golden hair.  
"Where are we?" Ray-Ray asked after a few minutes of silence.  
"Hogwarts!" Chippy cried, glancing up from the paper she had found on the desk.  
"What?" Ray-Ray looked blankly at Chippy.  
"Hogwarts!" Chippy repeated. "Look!"  
The group crowded around the paper that Chippy was holding out.  
A crest was stamped at the top of the document, and it looked exactly as it had been described in the Harry Potter books. Beneath the crest were the words:  
  
Class Lists for: Professor Severs Snape,  
Potions Master of Hogwarts School of  
Which Craft and Wizardry  
  
"Oh, that explains it then!" Ara exclaimed. "We must have opened some sort of portal that transported us to Hogwarts!"  
"But. . . Hogwarts isn't real!" Chippy gasped.  
"Maybe we're in another dimension," Kee-Kee suggested.  
"Hey, do you think this really is Snape's office?" Ramo started laughing and rummaging through the desk drawers.  
Ray-Ray examined their surroundings for the first time. A fireplace with an empty grate covered one wall while shelves heavily burdened with bottles and jars lined the others. The massive desk sat with its back to the fireplace and had two chairs facing it. The walls and floors were bare stone.  
"Check this out!" Kee-Kee squealed. "It says here that Harry Potter is going to be in the sixth year N.E.W.T potions class! So's Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and a bunch of other people we know!"  
"Maybe it takes so long for new Harry Potter books to come out because J.K. Rowling has to wait to see what happens in the year and then write it all down!" Ray-Ray remarked.  
Being freaks, ending up in a school from a fantasy book didn't really surprise the girls much. Lots of weird things happen to freaks.  
"Shhhh! Someone's coming!" Ray-Ray hissed.  
Seconds later, the wooden door creaked open. Standing there and looking utterly shocked to find the five in the office was none other than Severus Snape himself. The Freak Show let out a collective gasp. Out of all the characters in the Harry Potter series, Professor Snape had to be among their favorites. Two minutes crawled by. The Freak Show stared at Severus. Severus stared at the Freak Show.  
"Uh. . . Hello," Ara said at last. "We're the Freak Show. I'm Ara, and that's Kee-Kee, Ramo, Ray-Ray, and Chippy," she pointed each girl out.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY OFFICE?!" Severus finally manage to shriek.  
"Take a chill pill, dude," Chippy scolded.  
"Well," Kee-Kee started, "we kind of hoped you could answer that for us."  
"We were sitting around at Kee-Kee's, and this purple thingy started spinning under us," Ray-Ray continued.  
"And then we ended up in your office," Ara finished.  
Severus glared at the girls. His sallow face had turned a weird reddish color. Just like in the books, he had greasy black hair, black eyes, and a big, hooked nose. He was pretty tall too. A little over six feet, Chippy guessed.  
"Come with me to the headmaster's office. Now," he seemed to have recovered from the initial shock.  
Kee-Kee, Ray-Ray, Ara, Ramo, and Chippy followed him out of the office.  
"What should we do to annoy him first?" Ramo whispered. 


	2. The Office

I never put in a real disclaimer's notice, so I'll put it in this chapter. Everything Harry Potter related belongs to J.K. Rowling. So please don't sue me. I have assassins, and I'd hate to have to send them after you.  
  
By the way, this chapter is kind of weird. I do NOT believe that J.K.R is a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and I don't think that Harry Potter is real. I'm not delusional, this is just part of the plot. (You'll see what I mean after you're done reading this part.)  
  
Chapter 2  
Told from Kee-Kee's point of view  
  
We followed Snape down several dimly lit passages. Ramo and Ara were planning possible ways to drive the potions master insane. Ray-Ray and I were much more worried about what was going to happen to us.  
"Do you really think we're in another dimension?" Ray-Ray asked.  
"Maybe," I replied. "What do you think Dumbledore will do about it?"  
"Wouldn't it be great if he let us go to Hogwarts?"  
We had reached a large stone gargoyle.  
"Potato chip!" Snape snapped.  
"Where?" Chippy demanded. "I'm hungry!"  
The gargoyle moved aside. Just as it was described in the books, a wall opened revealing a moving spiral staircase. Snape stepped onto the first step and began moving slowly upward. He motioned for us to do the same.  
Ramo and Ara giggled. Apparently, their plan to harass Severus was complete.  
"Hey Professor," Ara called. "Do you have a girlfriend?"  
"No," Severus glared at her.  
"Well, half the people who read the Harry Potter books are in love with you. It wouldn't be that hard for you to find one!"  
"Harry Potter books? What are you talking about, girl?"  
"My name is Ara, not Girl."  
I spoke up. "You know, the books about Harry Potter's life at Hogwarts. By J.K. Rowling."  
Severus's eyes widened, but that was the only sign that he was surprised. With a soft bump we reached the top of the staircase. A door that led to the headmaster's office was in front of us. Off to the side was a circular area with comfortable chairs and small tables covered with magazines. Either this was a new addition, or it had been left out of the novels. Snape ordered us to wait in the sitting area and stalked into the office. I caught a glimpse of a man with a long white beard before the door snapped shut.  
"We decided that next time we're alone with our dear potions master, we're going to ask him loads of questions about the worst memory from Order of the Phoenix," Ramo informed Ray-Ray, Chippy, and me.  
"That should be annoying enough to begin with," Ara stated.  
Ramo settled back in a squishy brown chair and continued reading the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series. Come to think of it, that was my copy of the book. I sat on the edge of a bright blue chair and began going through the magazines on a glass end table. Witch Weekly. . . Witch Broomstick. . . Yesterday's copy of The Daily Prophet. . . They were all complete with moving pictures. I picked up the copy of Witch Weekly and began learning how to decorate cakes using magic.  
"Isn't it weird that we can see Hogwarts?" Ray-Ray asked.  
"What do you mean?" Chippy asked.  
"In the books it says that muggles can't see Hogwarts. And aren't we muggles?"  
"Quiet, I'm trying to figure out this puzzle!" I ordered, not really paying attention.  
The door to the office swung open.  
"Professor Dumbledore will see you now," Severus said.  
"What is this? A clinic? You sound like one of those nurses saying, 'the doctor will see you now'" I informed him.  
Ignoring me, Severus stood at the back of the office while we filed past him.  
"You realize that we're still in our pajamas, right, Kee-Kee?" Chippy hissed.  
I glanced down at my loose-fitting pants that had things like 'I love sleeping' and 'starry night' scrawled all over them. I was also wearing a white tank top and a pair of fuzzy green slippers. I shrugged. I liked my pajamas.  
"Good evening, ladies," Dumbledore greeted us. He sat behind a large desk.  
We all mumbled a greeting at the same time. I glanced at the clock on the desk. It was only 9:30 P.M. here.  
The office was inviting with a blazing fire and tables covered with strange instruments. I hoped someone would leave me alone in this room sometime so I could check these things out. Moving figures sat in the numerous pictures on the room's walls. A half-grown phoenix dozed on a fancy silver perch.  
"Professor Snape has told me about your arrival. Will you please tell me in detail what happened?"  
Ara began our explanation. "It was about 1:30 in the morning and we were sitting around in a circle. There was a pile of stuff in the middle, and we started this little dance thing. . ."  
She moved on to relate how the swirling circle of light had covered us.  
"And then we found ourselves in Professor Snape's office," Ara finished.  
Dumbledore frowned. "What was in the center of your circle?"  
"A black cloak I bought last Halloween, a spoon, and my copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," I informed him.  
"Ah," the headmaster murmured, "you accidentally performed the Pridentra Charm. Highly advanced magic. J.K. Rowling is the only person this century who can do it at will."  
"What does the charm do?" Chippy inquired.  
"It transports the user or users between dimensions--"  
"I knew it!" I interrupted.  
Dumbledore smiled and continued. "It seems our friend Ms. Rowling may have used her experiences in this dimension to sell books in another. Do you have this Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix book with you?"  
Ramo handed the novel to the man. I watched him flip through the chapters. A frown formed on his kindly face as he read sections about the Order. He appeared rather concerned as he reached the part about the prophesy Trelawny had made.  
"Well," he snapped the book shut, "It seem that Ms. Rowling somehow knows more than I suspected. While this seems like a wonderful story, I am afraid that I cannot allow you girls to keep this."  
Before any of us could respond, Dumbledore pulled out his wand and set the corner of my book on fire. It was reduced to a small pile of ashes in a matter of seconds.  
"Dude!" I hollered. "You can't just go around setting people's things on fire! I paid good money for that!"  
"I apologize. However, if this book were to fall into Voldemort's hands, the results could be catastrophic. It contains far too much valuable information. I will repay you so that you can replace it when you return to your own dimension."  
"When do we go home?" Ray-Ray sounded slightly disappointed. We both wanted to stay here.  
"We'll need J.K. Rowling's help to get back to your own dimension. She isn't due back in this world for about a year or so. So you five will have to stay here. Don't worry, though. When you switch dimensions on accident, a copy of your body is left behind so your parents won't even realize you've left. The copy will look and think just like you. And when you return, you'll be able to learn everything your 'clones' have."  
"So it's kind of like the time turner," I murmured. "You can be in two places at once."  
"Not exactly, but it's the same general idea," Dumbledore said. "Now where are you girls from? The United States, by any chance?"  
"Yeah, kind of out west in a land-locked state," Ramo said vaguely. She's a bit paranoid and wouldn't tell him exactly where we lived.  
Dumbledore didn't seem to mind her vague answer. "Just on last question before I let you girls go to bed. What are your full names?"  
"I'm Kee-Kee um. . . von Darr," I replied. So what if my real name isn't Kee-Kee? "And that's my sister Chippy von Darr."  
I could tell that Dumbledore didn't believe me. Must be that whole freaky Legilimency thing. He wrote down the names anyway and didn't say anything. My friends followed my lead and also gave Dumbledore their nicknames and a fake last name.  
"I'm Ramodaous Wiircastle. Ramo for short."  
"Ray-Ray Tiliribob."  
"Ara Silverduck."  
"Very well," Dumbledore closed the book he had written our names in. "Severus, please escort them to a guest room. I will send someone to bring you to breakfast in the morning. I understand that finding your way around Hogwarts can be difficult for a few days. We will discuss this more tomorrow. I have other issues to attend to at the moment. I bid you all goodnight."  
He vanished up a flight of stairs at the rear of the office. 


	3. Diagon Ally

See Chapter Two for disclaimer's notice.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Ramo was awakened by something sharp digging into her side.  
"Go the hell away!" she snarled.  
"I am sorry, but Professor Dumbledore say you must get up!" said a squeaky voice in Ramo's ear.  
Ramo sat up and wondered where she was for a moment. The small room had red carpet and blue paneled walls. Five beds draped with green blankets sat in a neat row. It was the guest room Snape had brought them to.  
Kee-Kee sat on the edge of her bed and was gazing around with unfocused eyes. Ramo turned back to the thing that had awakened her. It wore an assortment of hats and scarves along with mismatched socks, a sweater, and what looked like a mini skirt. The creature was only a few feet tall with bat ears and huge green eyes.  
"Dobby?" Ray-Ray whispered, awakening and recognizing the house elf.  
"At your service!" the elf bowed low and then dropped a stack of clothes on Ara's bed. "Dobby get you robes from the laundry room! Dobby will wait outside in case you need a different size."  
The girls dressed in silence. None of them were morning people.  
After emerging from the room, Dobby brought the Freak Show to Dumbledore's office instead of the Great Hall. A table weighed down with doughnuts, toast, bagels, and a variety of cereals and fruits had replaced the desk. Six places were set.  
"Good morning, ladies," Dumbledore emerged from the shadows. "I hope you will join me for breakfast so that we can discuss your futures."  
"Thank you, Professor," Chippy plopped down onto one of the chairs.  
Once they were all seated, Dumbledore said, "Now, technically anyone from another dimension possesses magical abilities. You five are no exception. I can contact a few magic schools in America and try to get you enrolled. Or, if you would be interested in attending Hogwarts, I could arrange for you to stay. It's up to you."  
"We want to go here!" Ara snapped as though Dumbledore was rather slow.  
"Very well," the headmaster spoke with a smile. "I will send you to Diagon Ally with Professor Snape later today to get supplies. I'll pay for everything. School starts in a week after all."  
  
Ray-Ray had thought Severus was going to cry when he was given his assignment. Indeed, the look on his face was priceless. Perhaps it was because Ramo and Ara were repeatedly asking him if he had in fact been stripped nude in front of the entire school.  
Kee-Kee took a bit of powder from the pot Snape held out to her. She hesitated, and then hurled the powder into the roaring flames.  
"Diagon Alley!" Kee-Kee shouted and she was gone in a whirl of flames.  
Fire whizzed around Kee-Kee and her eyes stung from the heat. Suddenly she was being blasted out of a fireplace in some little store. Kee- Kee landed hard and heard a squealing noise. Standing up, she realized that she had landed on top of Draco Malfoy. Just then, Ray-Ray flew out of the fire and landed a few feet away.  
"Ray-Ray! Look who it is!"  
"MALFOY?!" Ray-Ray shrieked gleefully.  
The boy lay on his back moaning and clutching his stomach.  
"Isn't this hilarious?" Kee-Kee giggled. "I squished him!"  
As the two freaks stood there laughing hysterically, Ara shot past them and was almost immediately followed by Ramo. Ramo slid across the polished wooden floor and came to a stop after colliding with a shelf stocked with gloves, compasses, and an assortment of little gadgets. Judging by all the brooms, the were in the Quidditch supply store.  
"I. . . I think my ribs are broken!" Draco gasped from the floor.  
"Oh, come on you sissy," Kee-Kee grumbled. "I'm not that heavy."  
Chippy managed a somewhat graceful landing as the fire spat her out and Severus appeared about fifteen seconds later.  
"Malfoy? What's wrong?" Snape demanded, standing over the whimpering boy.  
"They. . . Those weirdos tried. . . To kill me!" he wheezed.  
Severus turned to glare at the Freak Show.  
"It's not my fault!" Kee-Kee insisted, putting on the most innocent expression she could manage. "I just landed on top of the little whiner."  
"Who are they?" Malfoy struggled to his feet.  
"They're--" Severus began.  
"We're his long lost children!" Ara exclaimed, throwing an arm around Severus's shoulders.  
A look of horror crossed Draco's face. Severus shoved Ara back.  
"They're new students at Hogwarts," he snapped. "I'll see you later, Malfoy. You five, come with me!"  
They exited the shop and were temporarily blinded by the bright sunlight.  
"Dumbledore said that although you will be very behind, you will be going into the year you would be in if you had attended Hogwarts since you were eleven. That means Chippy will be in her second year and the rest of you will be in your fourth. He trusts that you will be able to catch up quickly." Surprisingly, Severus didn't seem too upset over the Quidditch shop incident. "Before you get your supplies, we'll buy some lunch."  
After placing their orders, Snape left the girls at the table with the drinks and went to wait for their food.  
"I found this in Professor Snape's office last night," Chippy murmured, holding up a vile of silvery liquid. "It's supposed to change hair color, I think."  
As a joke, Chippy uncorked the vile and held it over Snape's drink. At that moment, tragedy struck. A man in light green robes rushed by and bumped Chippy's arm, causing her to spill the vile's contents into Severus's pumpkin juice.  
"Excuse me," the man said politely as he hurried away.  
The Freak Show was horror struck.  
"What do we do?!" Ray-Ray hissed.  
The silver liquid changed color to blend with the juice.  
"Um. . . No big deal," Kee-Kee mumbled nervously. "He's a good potion maker. He'll be able to reverse the effects."  
"Yeah, you're right," Chippy didn't quite sound convinced.  
"Shit! Here he comes!" Ramo moaned.  
"Just sit down and act normal!" Ara ordered.  
Severus set down a tray piled high with food and handed each girl her order.  
"Nice day," he commented, taking a swig of pumpkin juice.  
"Yeah, beautiful," Ara squeaked shooting a nervous glance at her friends.  
A few pink threads appeared in Severus's oily dark hair. Another sip caused some strands to turn purple. Ten minutes later, the potions teacher had downed the entire glass of juice. His hair was now striped pink and purple without a trace of black.  
"What's wrong?" Severus caught the terrified look on Kee-Kee's face.  
"Uh. . . nothing," she replied, taking a large bite out of what remained of her burger.  
No one seemed to have the heart to point out the fact that Barbie would be proud of the professor's hair's color combination.  
Their first stop was Ollivander's wand shop. Severus got strange looks as they fought their way down the crowded ally, but he didn't seem to notice.  
The shop was tiny with a dusty chair and huge stacks of slender boxes.  
"May I help you?" a soft voice crooned from the shadows.  
"I need to buy wands for five Hogwarts students," Severus replied briskly.  
An old man with pale blue eyes emerged from behind a very tall pile and eyed the group for a moment. His eyes lingered on Severus's hair.  
"Ah, Severus Snape! I remember you. Maple and phoenix feather. Fifteen inches."  
"Yes, we're in a hurry, so will you please help them find wands?" Snape snapped.  
"I'll start with the youngest girl."  
Chippy stepped forward and measuring tapes sprang up and began stretching across her arms.  
"Which is your wand hand?"  
"Um. . . My right," Chippy said nervously.  
After ordering the measuring tapes to leave Chippy alone and start on Ara, Mr. Ollivander yanked a box out of one stack and removed a wand from it.  
"Wave it," he ordered Chippy.  
Chippy obeyed.  
ZAP!!!  
After a cloud of purple smoke faded away, they could see Chippy who had been blasted back against the wall. She appeared uninjured for the most part, but was massaging a sore spot on the back of her head.  
"Well, that can happen. Have a go with this one now," Mr. Ollivander was the only one who wasn't worried about Chippy.  
None of the other wands backfired, and finally she tried one that emitted multi-colored sparks when it was waved.  
"Cherry wood and chipmunk hair! Nine inches," he announced triumphantly.  
Ara went through about ten wands before she found one that suited her.  
"Ash, dragon scale, ten-and-a-half inches!" the old man called.  
Then it was Kee-Kee's turn.  
"Ebony and phoenix feather. Fourteen inches."  
Ramo had to try at least twenty wands before Mr. Ollivander finally shouted out the components of the one that fit her.  
"Oak and raven feather. Twelve-an-a-half inches."  
"You don't usually use chipmunk hair, raven feathers, or dragon scales, do you?" Ray-Ray asked.  
"I've been experimenting." the wand shop's owner reported. "I found that a creature doesn't have to be magical to provide a good core for a wand. And powdered dragon scales are often more effective in some woods than heartstrings."  
Ray-Ray went last and found a perfect wand in just a few minutes.  
"Mahogany, unicorn hair, Thirteen-and-a-half inches."  
Severus paid, and the Freak Show wandered outside to wait for him.  
"Should we tell him about his hair?" Ray-Ray whispered.  
"He'll figure it out eventually," Kee-Kee responded.  
"We don't want to be around when he does," Ara added.  
Snape then led them to Madame Malkin's Robes For All Occasions next. They each purchased five sets of plain black robes, one set of dress robes, three cloaks (two thick wool ones and a lighter cotton one), gloves, scarves, and a couple pairs of shoes. The ones Dobby had managed to find for them were ill-fitting. Madame Malkin apparently knew Severus.  
"I like your hair today, Mr. Snape," she chirped as they left the shop.  
"Thanks," he looked a bit confused, and Ara barely managed not to laugh.  
After uneventful trips to shops to buy caldrons and ingredients for potions they stopped at Flourish and Blotts, the magnificent book store. Standing near a display of books on common hexes was Draco Malfoy and his father Lucious.  
"That's her, Father!" Draco squealed, pointing at Kee-Kee. "The one I told you about!"  
"Lucius," Severus mumbled stepping forward, "how are you today?"  
"Not bad," the man replied, "but I believe one of your companions injured my son. By the way, may I inquire as to the occasion? Your hair looks. . . festive."  
"I'm very sorry about Draco's injuries, but it was an accident. Kee- Kee, apologize. And I'm not sure what you mean. This is how my hair looks every day."  
Chippy started laughing, but quickly turned it into a cough. Severus elbowed Kee-Kee in the side.  
"Um, sorry Malfoy Boy!" Kee-Kee turned to Ray-Ray. "What should his Freak Name be?"  
Ray-Ray studied Malfoy. "How about Dra-Dra?" she suggested.  
"It has a nice ring to it," Ara agreed.  
"We pronounce it Dray-Dray, right?" Ramo checked.  
"Maybe we should spell it D-R-A-Y so no one gets confused," Chippy pointed out.  
"Dray-Dray it is!" Kee-Kee declared.  
They formed a tight circle around Draco and began the Anti-Tableism dance. Draco looked terrified. Lucius pulled out his wand and seemed to be trying to decide which freak to curse first. Severus ignored the scene taking place in front of him and handed the lists to a worker at the bookstore who scurried off to find the required volumes.  
"Knock it off, you five," Severus snapped.  
"How did you get the job of escorting these barbarians to Diagon Ally?" Lucious sneered.  
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Ray-Ray pointed her wand at her caldron.  
"Hey! It works!" Chippy shrieked as it rose a few inches off the ground.  
"Well, um, Dumbledore likes tormenting me for some reason."  
"You actually take orders from that old fool?" Lucius said with a laugh.  
The clerk returned and shoved a large pile of books into Severus's arms. Balancing them precariously on one arm, he stuffed a handful of coins in her direction.  
"Oh! Look at the time! We'd better get going! Grab your things, girls!"  
Severus shoved past Lucious and over to the fireplace. A bucket of floo powder sat beside the hearth.  
"Talk to you later, Lucius!" Snape called over his shoulder.  
"Do we have to leave?" Ara asked. "We were having fun with Dray- Dray!"  
"We've got to get away from the Malfoys. I hate them all," Severus snarled.  
"I thought you liked the Malfoys," Chippy commented, helping herself to the floo powder.  
"I just pretend to. Go! Hurry!"  
One after the other, the Freak Show vanished into the fire. They found themselves back in the guest room. Severus popped out of the fire last and dropped the heap of books on the small table.  
"This will be your room until you are sorted into your houses. The Great Hall is to the right and down the stairs. If you need anything, look for a house elf. They're out all day while there are no students at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore wants to speak to you later, so don't go to far," Severus suddenly grabbed his left wrist and winced. "I have to go. I should see you at dinner."  
"He still hasn't noticed his hair," Chippy muttered when he was out of sight.  
"I hope we get to see his expression when he does!" Ray-Ray giggled.  
  
* ~ * ~ *  
  
Please review! I like reviews! 


	4. The Sorting

Sorry this is taking so long! Too much homework. I know it sounds a little rushed I'll fix it later. Thanks for reading, and please reveiw!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Three hours later, the Freak Show was sitting around while Severus screamed himself hoarse over the hair issue.  
"Of course it can be reversed!" he howled in response to Ara's question. "But it takes two weeks to make the potion!"  
"Can't you borrow some potion from someone else to reverse it?" Chippy calmly asked.  
"I've tried! No one has any!"  
"You could shave your head before school stars," Kee-Kee told him.  
Severus paled and collapsed into a chair.  
"What's wrong?" Ray-Ray demanded, glancing up from her copy of Unfogging the Future.  
"She-she just suggested that I sh-shave my head!" Snape gasped.  
"So?" Ramo appeared to be half asleep.  
"M-my beautiful hair!"  
Chippy sighed. "When was the last time you washed your hair?"  
"Last night," Snape still looked like he was going to faint.  
"Then why is it so oily?" Ara inquired.  
"I don't know. . . I've used half a bottle of conditioner of my hair every day since I was seven. I've heard conditioner can make hair look kind of greasy," Severus said weakly.  
There was a slight pause. Then the five girls burst into hysteric laughter.  
  
The following day, teachers began tutoring the girls in their spare time. Reading the Harry Potter books had helped; they weren't struggling too much. Chippy was flying through the first year spells as the older girls practiced summoning charms.  
Professor Snape had locked himself in his office and was frantically trying to find a cure for his brightly colored hair. Therefore, they had not had any lessons in potions.  
"It can't be too hard though," Ara remarked as they ate their lunch under a set of stairs near the dungeons. "You just dump a bunch of things into the caldron in the right order."  
There was a small opening in the side of the stairs, just large enough for a person to squeeze through. It was hollow underneath, and although there was no standing room, the five girls could sit inside comfortably.  
"One day until school starts," Ray-Ray announced. "Which house do you want to be in?"  
They spent the next half hour discussing all of the possible outcomes of the following day's sorting. Dumbledore had informed them that they and five other exchange students would be given an introduction after the first years. The teachers seemed freaked out at the possibility of so many other exchange students. According to Professor McGonagal, no one had transferred to Hogwarts since 1962.  
  
The following day was clear and bright. Though excited to finally be starting at Hogwarts, the Freak Show was slightly annoyed when they realized that they would have to wait until that evening to get sorted.  
"It's like that time we were excited to get out schedules for school. We thought we had gotten them in the mail and then we found out that we had to wait a week," Ray-Ray complained.  
"Concentrate!" McGonagal barked as Ray-Ray's crab crept away.  
Ray-Ray retrieved it and went back to attempting to turn the small creature into a necklace.  
"Four more hours," Kee-Kee stated, glancing at her watch.  
After the lessons, they returned to the guest room and began packing their things into the trunks Dobby had managed to find them. They had to carry them down to the entrance hall so that they could be sent to the correct dormitory after the sorting. After their task was complete, all they had to do was wait.  
  
The Hogwarts Express arrived in Hogsmeade around six that evening. Dumbledore had instructed the Freak Show to wait beneath a large banner that said 'Exchange Students'. So, naturally, they weren't listening.  
"Here come the carriages."  
They stood near the top of the hill and watched the "horseless" carriages grow closer. A bunch of people they didn't recognize climbed out of the first carriage. The same was true for the next few. Then McGonagall found them and forced them to go back to the banner where they couldn't see very well.  
"Well, the freaks have the nerve to go to the same school as Draco Malfoy," a voice behind them sneered.  
"Dray-Dray!" Ramo cried, giving the newcomer a hug.  
Malfoy seemed to have forgotten that the Freak Show liked it when people called them freaks. He shoved Ramo back and yanked out his wand.  
Before he could cast a spell, he was distracted by a noise that sounded like a scream. It grew louder and louder and SPLAT!  
A girl with long blonde hair had fallen out of the sky and landed on top of Malfoy.  
"HOLY SHIT!" she screamed. "That hurt!"  
As she slowly got to her feet, she mumbled a long steam of curses that even Ramo would have never used. And Ramo swore a lot. Malfoy lay on the ground making gurgling noises.  
"Ah, Caroline," McGonagal said rushing over, "I see you have discovered what happens when a student misses the train."  
Caroline turned her blue eyes to the transfiguration teacher. "I would have been on time if the barrier hadn't locked me out!" she snapped.  
"Yes, that's my fault. We just started the system over the summer and we needed a student to test it on. My apologies. The other exchange students should be here in-- Good heavens!" McGonagal exclaimed, tripping over Malfoy. "Howard," she called to a passing student, "go get Madame Pomfrey! Malfoy needs the hospital wing!"  
"Was that my fault?" Caroline asked, glancing down at Draco. "He made the landing softer."  
McGonagal shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Here's the rest of the exchange students. I've got to go. The first years will be arriving soon."  
Of the four new people joining them, only two were unfamiliar. As for the other two. . .  
"Mike?! Elizabeth?! What are you doing here?!" Kee-Kee shrieked.  
Elizabeth, the member of the Freak Show who had disappeared a year ago without a trace, looked shocked to see her old friends. Mike, Ramo's brother, had not bothered to change into robes and was wearing his usual trench coat and combat boots.  
"My name is Josef Nekros, not Mike!"  
Elizabeth actually gave them an explanation. "Last year when I went to have J.K. Rowling sign my Harry Potter books, she heard me say that I hated school. She said she could arrange for me to go to another school, and she brought me to a magic school in California. The teachers there wanted to send me to Hogwarts because they have a better charms department here. Charms is my best subject!"  
The Freak Show began catching up with their long lost friend while Caroline pried some information out of "Josef". He had been taking classes from Hogwarts Online and had decided to come to Hogwarts to learn more, but mostly to get rich. He and his friend Max had developed a new drug, but the school was aware of their plans. Therefore, he had come to sell "Breeze" to Hogwarts students.  
"Um, that's lovely," Caroline said edging away from him.  
Professor Flitwick soon brought them to the entrance hall where they were to wait until the first years were all sorted. In the distance they heard the Sorting Hat singing and then McGonagal began reading off names.  
Josef spent ten minutes trying to convince them to buy Breeze. He was finally interrupted when Madame Pomfrey and another teacher they didn't know hurried past with Malfoy on a stretcher. After another half hour of waiting, it was finally time for them to be sorted.  
They filed into the Great Hall and stood in a line as they had been instructed. Chippy looked up at the teacher's table and saw Severus for the first time in a week. His hair must have still been pink and purple since the hood of his cloak was pulled down low.  
"It is my pleasure to announce that we have ten students transferring to Hogwarts this year," Professor McGonagal announced brightly. "From Durmstrang we have fifth year Derrick Willims."  
Derrick slipped the Sorting Hat onto his head.  
"Hufflepuff!" the hat shouted over the applause of the Hufflepuffs.  
"From Beauxbatons we welcome sixth year Heleeni Silvet."  
"Gryfindor!" the Sorting Hat announced after a short pause.  
"Next we have Caroline Schelle, a fourth year from Australia!"  
It took the Sorting Hat a while to place Caroline. "Slytherin!" it finally bellowed.  
"Josef Nekros, seventh year from the United States!"  
"Ravenclaw!"  
"Then we have second year Chippy von Darr from the United States as well,"  
The hat fell down over Chippy's eyes. There was silence.  
Smookershnob!" screeched the hat.  
Chippy stood and placed the hat back on the stool. No one said anything. No one applauded. Unsure of what to do, she stood off to the side.  
"Wait there," the teacher ordered softly.  
The Sorting continued as usual.  
McGonagall told the school that the remaining students were fourth years from the U.S. and called Kee-Kee to the stool. She to was put into 'Smookershnob'. As were Ara, Ray-Ray, Ramo, and Elizabeth.  
McGonagal picked up the stool and the hat. "Come with me."  
She ordered them to wait in a small sitting room off the great hall while she took the Sorting Hat back to Dumbledore's office.  
After she returned, they were joined by Dumbledore and Snape.  
Dumbledore spoke first. "After Salazar Slytherin left Hogwarts, Helga Hufflepuff invited her sister Ava Smookershnob to fill in for him. Ava created her own house for people like her who were. . . different. They could be very. . . strange people who had qualities form all the house, or people who just didn't fit in anywhere. They were all very unique and many had histories of mental illness."  
The Freak Show laughed.  
"No one has been sorted into Smookershnob in over six hundred years," McGonagal continued. "I'll send the house elves to neaten up the Smookershnob dormitory. It isn't cleaned very often."  
"The dormitory is down by the dungeons," Snape started. Any color in his face drained out. "No," he whispered.  
"I nearly forgot!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "The common room is right across from Severus's room!"  
"No," Severus gasped again.  
"I'm sure he'll be happy to take you down there after dinner. You can go to the Great Hall and sit wherever you want. We'll be there in a minute!" Dumbledore then turned his attention to Snape who had passed out.  
"Um. . . is there a reason Professor Snape doesn't want a room near us?" Elizabeth asked suspiciously.  
"There's lots of reasons!" Ramo breathed through a fit of giggles.  
"This will be a fun year!" Ara said in an unusually evil voice. 


	5. Breeze

NOTE: It turns out that Josef wanted to be in Slytherin, but I'm too lazy to change it. Therefore, I have mentioned the fact in this chapter.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
McGonagal let the girls choose which house they wanted to have their classes with. They chose to be with the Slytherins since Caroline was the only fourth year they knew. She seemed like a fun person to hang out with.  
  
That morning, they just happened to leave the Smookershnob common room just as Snape was leaving his room. His hair had finally almost returned to normal, but Kee-Kee noticed a few threads of purple near his temple. Unfortunately, they were all too asleep to torment the poor professor.  
  
They sat at the Slytherin table since everywhere else looked pretty crowded. Josef joined them.  
  
"I'm supposed to be in Slytherin!" he stated angrily. "I'm going to be the next Dark Lord!"  
  
"Whatever," Kee-Kee mumbled as she smeared an unhealthy amount of butter onto her toast.  
  
"What do we have first?" Ray-Ray yawned.  
  
"Herbology," Ara said with a glance at the schedule.  
  
Dumbledore rose to his feet. and silence fell over the Great Hall.  
  
"Since she couldn't be with us last evening, I would now like to introduce you to your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Miss Theodora Dipstick will be instructing you in this fascinating subject. I wish you a pleasant day to start off the new school year."  
  
They took a moment to study Professor Dipstick. She was short and skinny with dull brown hair. Her robes looked dirty and were slightly too small. As usual, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were discussing the new teacher over at the Gryfindor table. They were probably finding some way to connect her to Voldemort.  
  
"We should get going," Elizabeth announced.  
  
They said goodbye to Chippy who had DADA first and trekked across the lawn to the greenhouses. Ramo felt the urge to throw rocks through the huge sheets of glass.  
  
Herbology turned out to be a rather dull class. Professor Sprout gave them each an odd plant with little blue barbs and told them to figure out how to feed it.  
  
"It would be nice if she told us what the hell these stupid things were!" Caroline grumbled as she tried to stuff a piece of hamburger into the hole at the top.  
  
"Maybe it's a cannibal plant," Ramo suggested.  
  
She began ripping the leaves off of random plants in the green house and stuffing them into any visible opening on the cactus-like object. Kee-Kee stole some bottles from Sprout's bag and dumped the contents onto hers. Elizabeth was ripping the barbs off the one in front of her. Ray-Ray and Ara were seeing if it liked human hair. The girl behind them lost a large clump of hair to their cause. None of the other Slytherins were having any luck either.  
  
At the end of class, Kee-Kee's plant was dead, Elizabeth's was oozing pus from where the spines used to be, Ramo was in trouble for mutilating some very rare specimens, and Ray-Ray and Ara were trying to dispose of evidence. Apparently, some boy was in the hospital wing due to the fact that someone had cut his finger off. Caroline was the only one who managed to get her plant to eat. But it turned out that her plant was allergic to beef and it would sneeze frequently, spaying everyone within five feet with foul-smelling mucus.  
  
"I'll see you all in a few days!" Professor Sprout said cheerfully. "Next class we'll discuss what these plants are and the correct way to feed them."  
  
"It isn't our fault Lawrence Jensen lost his finger," Ray-Ray announced on the way back to the castle. "She said we could use any resources available to find something the plant would like. Jensen was an easy target."  
  
"He was asleep during class, and he's an idiot," Ara added.  
  
"It took him five minutes before he woke up and realized that his finger was gone."  
  
"Professor Sprout needs to label her bottles better," Kee-Kee stated. "How was I supposed to know I was dumping sulfuric acid on the thing?"  
  
Charms, their next subject, was uneventful, but lunch was another story. The Freak Show found Chippy, loaded their plates with food, and were heading toward their usual spot under the stairs when they came across a crowd. Josef, Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley stood at the center.  
  
"Breeze comes in two handy forms," Josef was saying. He sounded like someone from the shopping channel.  
  
"Let's watch," Ramo whispered, pushing her way toward the front.  
  
"For just four galleons, you'll receive five syringes filled with just the amount of Breeze to make a boring class seem like a comedy club! Just make sure there's no bubbles," he squirted a little out of the end, "find a vein, and push on this plastic thing on the end!"  
  
Joesef passed the needle to Harry who located a vein and injected himself with the clear liquid. In seconds, Harry was gazing around with unfocused eyes. A smile was plastered on his face.  
  
"That's some strong stuff," Chippy observed.  
  
Josef continued his presentation. "And if needles scare you, you can buy breeze in a handy pill form for just two galleons more! Fifteen pills per bottle, and you can take one or two at a time depending on how high you want to get! Weasley here will take two. Just watch what happens!"  
  
Ron downed two innocent looking white pills and was soon leaning against the wall, laughing his head off.  
  
The audience applauded.  
  
"Contact me if you're interested in this remarkable advancement in drug history!" Josef called.  
  
After lunch, they had transfiguration with the Ravenclaws. It was a review for most students, and a good chance for the Freak Show to get caught up. Tranfiguration actually wasn't too hard. You just had to put your will into it. History of Magic followed. They all agreed that some of Josef's Breeze would have been helpful.  
  
"You do NOT want to have Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Chippy moaned after they had said goodbye to Caroline and returned to the Smookershnob common room.  
  
"Why not?" Ray-Ray inquired.= "Professor Dipstick is always drunk, and instead of teaching us something useful, she taught us how to pole dance!" Chippy wailed.  
  
"Shit! We have her tomorrow morning!" Ramo growled.  
  
Now dreading their DADA classes, the Freak Show did their homework in silence.  
  
Please R&R!!!!!!!!! OK? OK!! 


	6. LITTLE GREEN HEADS!

Later that evening, the Freak Show was interrupted by a knock outside the common room. Unlike the other houses, which had entrances that would be overlooked by a passerby, the entrance to the Smookershnob dormitory was nothing more than a password protected door.  
  
"What do you want, asshead?" Ramo, who was in a bad mood, shouted.  
  
"It's Josef!" a voice outside answered.  
  
Ara shoved the door open. Josef was carrying an overflowing trunk that appeared to be holding everything he owned. Caroline and a younger girl they didn't recognize were with him.  
  
"Squirrel!" Chippy cried, hurrying to meet the unknown person.  
  
"I'm moving into the Smookershnob dormitory," Josef told them as he located the stairs that led to the boys' chambers.  
  
"Why?" Ray-Ray demanded.  
  
"The teachers are already suspicious. I was originally going to sell Breeze out of the Ravenclaw common room, but I need a more subtle location. This place is perfect. And I believe you already know Caroline and Squirrel, my new business partners."  
  
"Who's Squirrel?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"She's a Slytherin second year," Chippy explained.  
  
"Chippy is my new best friend!" Squirrel squeaked.  
  
"Mind if we we do our homework in here?" Caroline inquired, heaving a heavy bag onto the table.  
  
"Please do," Chippy said, assuming the role of a hostess.  
  
Harry Potter groaned and leaned back in his chair. The blissful effects of Breeze were beginning to wear off. His homework was done, and he had no clue what any of it said. But he was still too happy to care.  
  
"What's wrong with you two?" Hermione snapped.  
  
Ron laughed like an idiot, and Harry found himself giggling too. He didn' t know what was funny though.  
  
"I'm going to bed," Harry announced. He didn't want to be around Hermione when she was pissed off.  
  
The dormitory was dark and cool. He changed into his pajamas and drew the curtains around his bed. The Breeze was pretty much gone. He remembered that Voldemort was trying to kill him and that his godfather was dead. With a sigh, Harry vowed to track Josef down and buy a year's supply of the drug that induced such delight. He wanted to forget half his life.  
  
Suddenly, Harry noticed something strange. A small creature was floating at the opposite end of his bed. It had no body, just an oblong head. Pale green skin, two curly antennae, and large pointed ears gave it an alien- like appearance. The thing turned to face Harry, and he knew by the large blue eyes and the graceful use of cosmetics that it was female.  
  
"Hello," he said nervously. "Who are you?"  
  
"My name is Ashira, guardian of the dead," to Harry, her voice sounded like wind whispering through the trees.  
  
"Why are you here?" the boy asked her.  
  
"I've always been here," Ashira replied, "your kind just never sees us."  
  
"There's more of you?"  
  
"We are everywhere. Even though you have never seen me before, Harry Potter, I have taken a special interest in you."  
  
Harry was flattered. However, he did not respond. He stared at the beautiful creature in awe. The green head moved closer to the boy. . .  
  
"This is insane," Harry muttered aloud.  
  
The next morning, Ron dragged himself out of bed to find the green heads staring at him again. He had noticed them the night before, but they were more distinct now. Maybe they'd go away if he ignored them. . .  
  
The dormitory was empty except for Harry, who still had the curtains drawn around his bed.  
  
"Harry, time to get up, mate," Ron hissed.  
  
No reply.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
Ron drew the curtains aside and immediately wished that he hadn't. Though covered with blankets, Harry was obviously naked. His pajamas lay in a crumpled heap at the foot of his bed. One of the green blobs was held against his bare chest.  
  
"Do you mind?" Harry growled. "Can't you see that we're busy?"  
  
Ron was already sprinting out of the Gryfindor tower.  
  
"What a lovely morning," Chippy said, gazing out the open common room door.  
  
CRASH!  
  
Ron knocked Chippy flat as he ran inside and seized the front of Josef's robes.  
  
"You've got to help me!!!" the red-head squealed.  
  
"What's the matter?" Josef sounded indifferent.  
  
"There's little green heads everywhere, and Harry is. . ." Ron couldn't bring himself to say it, so he just screamed, "LITTLE GREEN HEADS!"  
  
Josef was taking notes as Ron continued to bellow random insane things about disembodied green people.  
  
"It seems that seeing these creatures is one of the side effects of Breeze," Josef commented. "That's interesting."  
  
"You mean you didn't know what this stuff would do to you?" Ron gasped.  
  
"You and Potter were my first human test subjects. I wasn't stupid enough to try the drug myself."  
  
"But-- Isn't that illegal? Don't you have to get it approved by someone?"  
  
"Breeze is an illegal substance. No one has to know about it. The heads should disappear in a few hours, kind of like a hangover."  
  
"WHAT ABOUT HARRY?!" Ron was hysterical.  
  
"What about him?"  
  
"He is screwing one of the things as we speak!"  
  
"That could be a problem." Josef admitted.  
  
"What should I do?" Ron whimpered.  
  
"Hm. . ." Josef handed Ron a bottle of pills. "I'll give you some Breeze, free of charge. As long as he stays high, he shouldn't be able to see them."  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this," Chippy announced. 


End file.
